"Cole, That Means No."

I don't know if you realize this, but our kids are smarter than we think they are. They are able to understand what we mean, even when we don't say what we mean. This was illustrated to me once again a couple of weeks ago. We were in a hurry trying to get loaded into the van to get to our Valentine's Banquet. We were not exactly late, but we are starting to be pressed for time. I had already loaded our baby daughter, and my oldest was getting buckled in the back seat. I was helping our second son to get buckled in his car seat. As I was trying to hurry and finish buckling him so that I could help my wife load the food into the van, my second son asked me if he could bring his package of gum. Now was not the time. I am a one track mind kind of guy. He asked me again.
"Daddy"
"What?"
"Can I bring my gum with me to church?"
"We'll see."
I said this last statement as I was finishing and closing the van door. Just before I closed the door, I heard my oldest son say, "Cole, that means no."
How do they do that? How do they learn us so well. I had said "we'll see" to avoid the argument that I new would ensue if I said no. Evidently my oldest had heard that often enough that he knew what I meant. Thanks Ethan!

Later, as I was thinking about it, I realized that this is not always a good thing. I realized that it was not so much what I said, but the actions that went along with my words. My son had watched my actions often enough to know what was going to happen. Words have meaning, but not always the meaning we intend to convey. I wondered about some other statements we make often, and what our children have come to know we mean. Let me give you some examples.

First there is the statement, "Not right now." Sometimes it is simply "Later". We often utter these statements when our children ask us to spend time with them, and we are busy doing something else. Sometimes what we are doing is important, and sometimes what we are doing is not so important. The point is, that both of these statements, by definition, lead one to believe that there will be a time when we can do what is being asked of us. How often does that not happen? When we say, "Not right now" or "Later" do our kids say, "That means never."?

Mom and Dad, I know that sometimes we cannot stop what we are doing when our kids want our attention. Truthfully, I do not think the children should be the ones running the house. I think children should bend to the wishes of the parents, and not the other way around. Far too many homes, in my opinion, are run by the children. Things like children are to be seen and not heard have gone by the wayside. Children are served first at the dinner table while the adults act more like maids and butlers, then masters of their house. Parents cannot schedule activities of their own, because it will interfere with little Johnny's soccer practice. I am not against kids playing sports, but I do think when the children are running the schedule, things are out of order.

All that being said, if we tell our children we will do something later, we need to be sure to make the time to do it later. Otherwise they will soon figure out, that when Daddy says "not right now" he means never. Actions really do speak louder than words, and our children are listening to our actions loud and clear. The are forming their word definitions, by the actions they see associated with the words. Lets make sure we are showing them the right definitions!